Monday, 10 September 2012

Blog Hop Pitch Polish

Well, I didn't get into the official Pitch Polish, so I'm participating in the blog hop. I'll be hopping around to give a hand to the other blog hoppers as time permits this week.

Anyway, here's my pitch and first 150 words.

Have at it!


Rachel Elizabeth Cole
The Rabbit Ate My Homework
Homorous middle grade
35,000 words

All twelve-year-old Drew Montgomery wants to do is fix his broken bike so he can compete in the big upcoming mountain bike race. He has not, does not, and will not ever want a dumb old rabbit. All they do is sit in their cages, eat carrots, and poop. He certainly doesn’t want to be blackmailed by his annoying little sister into hiding the stupid rabbit in his closet. But she knows about the broken bike and that he kind-of-maybe-might-have allowed his dad to believe it was stolen (he called the police and everything!) and now she’s threatening to tell.

Now Drew’s in a real jam. If his “No pets!” parents find the rabbit, or, worse, his sister blabs the truth, he might as well forget about ever competing in the race. Because he'll be grounded for sure. Probably till Grade Seven. And if that’s not enough trouble, two girls at school drag him into a prank war that goes from bad to worse (all the rabbit’s fault). Plus, the weirdest girl in his class wants to be his science partner. If she tells him she wants to be his girlfriend, he just knows he’s gonna die.

Drew needs to think fast if he’s going to outwit the mean girls, wiggle out of the blackmail deal, and get rid of the rabbit before it destroys his bedroom and his life.

Chapter One

The Box

I can’t decide which is the worst part of breaking my bike—knowing how much trouble I’m going to be in when Dad finds out or missing the big mountain bike race coming up in three weeks.
The school bus bounces as I unzip my backpack and pull out the glossy flyer. I unfold it and read it again. Not that I haven’t memorized every word on it and could probably recite it blindfolded and backwards.

The Douglas Bay Cycling Club presents:
Island Cup Downhill Extravaganza #3
April 14
First-timers welcome!
Location: Mt. Blaney Provincial Park main parking lot
Time: Registration 9  a.m. – 12 p.m. Racing starts at 1 p.m.
In the middle of the page, there’s a picture of a guy on a mountain bike flying in the air over a big dirt jump. At the bottom, last year’s winners stand on a podium, hands waving, huge grins on their faces.


  1. Firstly, hello from GUTGAA! Yes, I am still hopping around to all the blogs trying to say hi and introduce myself! Boy, there are A LOT of people signed up, isn't there?

    Second, I am not a query expert, thus the reason I am in this pitch polish blog hop! But, I know a good story when I read one.

    I love your query. I get a sense f the MC voice and I can tell your story is going to be roll on the floor funny. My little boy would love to read something like this. Or rather have me read it out loud to him and his little sister. The one thing I would suggest is removing the parenthesis. In a query, they are a little distracting.

    The first 150 words are also great. I love how the MC has the poster sign up memorized. I already feel the tension he is facing (due to the query letter)

    Best wishes this month. I hope you find an agent!!

    1. Thanks so much, Talynn! Good point about the parentheses. I can easily take them out. :)

      I'll be hopping over to your blog soon to check out your query!

      Thanks again and best wishes to you, too! :)

  2. The voice here is awesome! I love it. The only thing I think of is connecting how the prank war connects to the rabbit. Also it slows the reader down a tiny bit to have the flier in the very beginning, but it wasn't enough to bother me and probably won't bother the readers either. Just a thought.

    1. Thanks, Jessica!

      I tried to work in the connection between the rabbit and the prank war, but ended up leaving that out. It isn't something that can be easily summed up since it contributed to it in a bunch of small ways, not one really big way. If that makes sense.

      I too noticed the flyer takes up a lot of real estate in the 150 words. Not sure if that would be an issue if there was more to read, though. (Which there is if you're opening a book.) Definitely something to think about, though.


    2. Oh, and I'll be hopping over to check out your query soon!

  3. Hi, I'm popping over from the GUTGAA bloghop. This is super cute - I really have no crit at all. Nice job!

    1. Thanks, Alexia!

      I'll be hopping over to check out your query soon. :)